well.. today..when school started.. i and bakaara wanted to sit together... but the class wanted 4 tables in a row and bakaara's table was the 5th... they made so much noice... i was so angry as they already arranged themselves with who they want to sit with and we are to like fill up the gaps... ARE WE TRASH BAGS TO THEM!? i wanted to shout but becoz bakaara was there... i kept quiet... after ms wong entered... they argued.. then bakaara went and sat behind.. leaving me alone... (felt so lonely. how can bakaara leave me like that...) but i was very sad... i mean... xxxx always talk bad about me... then bakaara who is innocent gets involved for no reason... it's like becoz of me now bakaara is also getting troubled... becoz of that i didn't want to see bakaara's face... then it was chemistry.. even when i turned behind to take some things from my bag i didn't want to have eye contact with her... slowly time passed and it was recess.. bakaara was very very quiet... during recess i saw her crying... not continously of course.. she was like trying to hold back her tears... seeing that i decided to avoid her.. i mean.. like stop intruding in her life.. it looks like i was always a nuicence... not only that.. i didn't want to hurt her anymore... seeing her letting a few tears run down her cheeks is hurting me too much.. and if i were to continue to being her friend... there will be a or more times that she'll feel hurt.. then could be worse than now... that's why i decided to distance myself from her.. it's better if i was a loner.. but then... when we returned back to the classroom.. she gave me a letter.. she said that she was not sad becoz of me... after seeing that i felt happy.. but.. after remembering what i thought just know.. i just don't know what to believe in and what to not believe in... i kept silent the whole time... before i parted from her at the t-junction... i told her that i'll see her on monday.. in return she gave me a surprised look for a few seconds then she left.. why? what's the meaning of that bakaara? what's with that face? were you looking forward to the hang out after school? if you were i am sorry.. i just didn't want to cause you more trouble... after i reached home, i cried.. after holding my tears for hours.. i finally let them off...
Then he came... he saw me crying... pouring all my tears out on the bed.. he asked me what was wrong.. before i could say anything i hugged him tightly.. scared that one day he too will leave me... he never hesitate.. he hugged me in return... then he told me, "Don't worry... I'll be here... I will never leave your side.. Now calm down and tell me what happened..."... i stared at his face... after seeing his kind smile and loving words i cried more... then i calmed down... i told him what happened... in return he laughed... he told me... "This is so like you.. Crying over small things... Even though you look tough and thick skin on the outside.. You are very weak in the inside.. Well... Actually i have nothing much to say.. As you already know the answer... You always ask yourself wether you are walking on the right path... On the path where the light of hope shines brightly... Wether you are walking towards your destiny.. You always have doubts... Asking yourself wether you are a burden to others... Especially to your friends... Saying that you don't know what to believe in and what to not believe in... And right now you say that you don't believe in anything. If that's so then why are you telling me your problems? It is becoz you believe in me don't you? When i said that i will always remain by your side.. You believed me didn't you? What's this supposed to mean? Hmm? And never call yourself dumb and stupid... That is not the real you... Telling you the truth... The Nareshwini that i know is someone who always fight for her rights.. No matter what the situation is, she always do what she likes... Even if it means to go against rules.. And i think a smile suit you the best... As when i see your smile i always forget about my troubles.. And when i see you working hard and doing things your own way... I feel that i can do anything.. More like you are my motivator... This time you came running to me, right? I'm so delighted! ^^ (I was wondering when did i came running to him... He also mentioned more... nonsence stuff like i wanted him to hug me tightly and so on.. = =") But actually those questions that you have in your mind and heart... They are already answered... You have already answered those but you sometimes lost hope and faith in them... Always remember that the answers that you seek cannot be found in the outside.. Even if you were to search high and low.. you can't find them.. As the answers can only be found inside of you.. Never fear change.. But be afraid of the unchanging... Your kindness doesn't come from what you are.. It comes from who you really are.. That's why your friends like you.. It is becoz of who you really are. A crybaby, lazy, witch, bully and more! Kidding..(i'm going to kill him for that!!!) That day you asked your friends of what they think of you didn't you?.. First you must decide. Then you must follow through. I believe that is the only way you can get anything accomplished. I believe now you know what to believe in... Always believe in the light of hope which is guiding you.. Ok?"
Was what he said.. ^^ I feel better.. i did hug him after he encouraged me... more like he opened my eyes... hehe.. GACHINKO DE IKOU!! ^^ hehe.. Well.. time for yesterday's programme... sorry for the delay... well... there are three people i would like to mention...
The first person is...
Valerie Goh. She is the sweetest girl i have ever met!! If i am not wrong a week ago she used wires to make a braclet and my name!! Amazing right?! She is very creative.. Oh yeahh.. She is called Bakaval.. hehe... ^^ becoz of me... okie.. bakaval... on your birthday.. i'm going to do something special.. let's see... throw eggs on you!! maybe whipcream... well.. i'll be something very unique.. hehe.. look forward to it...
The second person is...
Arul... Some might be surprised... ^^ well.. he did help me a lot in the begining of the year... when i'm in trouble... he consulted me.. not in person of course.. through sms... he's the sweetest boy i have met!! and he is fun!! but when we meet in school... he rarely communicate... we act like strangers.. ^^" hehe.. that's becoz it is so hard to bring up a conversation with him... = =" but now we are in good terms.. not that good.. but we improved... hopefully by the end of next year we can become good friends.. ^^
The third person is...
Vincent!!! ^^ he is like a brother to me!! Always encouraging me.. and advicing me.. hehe.. now that i have mentioned it.. i have so many consultants... -_-" i'm a girl with full of problems.. lol.. ^^ Vincent is the coolest!!! He can play a guiter!!! SO COOL, RIGHT!!! after i learn how to play a violin hopefully we can play together... i wonder if there is a song which a guiter and a violin can play... well.. till then i'll work hard!!!
Okie.. that was the end of yesterday's programme... well... about today's one... i have nothing much to say.. well.. i like to apologise to bakaara for not believeing in you... how can i do that!!! well.. i'm all cured... i'll wait till you're ready to tell me why you were sad... can't wait for tomorrow!!! got dance..!! i think i have forgotten the dance steps.. = =" then after that hopefully i can buy the bakery nessecities.. hehe.. getting all work up already... ^^ okie.. i'm running out of ideas... and i have the "SPECIAL" programme as punishment.. what do you expect me to do?!!! well... i'm getting a bit tired.. for now i'll take my leave... when i get ideas i'll make another post okie? take care everyone! love ya! look forward to the next update!! ^^
~ABAREN BOU NA UCHI RA MIRU YUME NI, GENKAI HA NAI YO!! SOU! SOU! SOU!~ ^^ hehe
Pharse of the day:
I wonder how much time had passed... ...since she have forgotten true laughter, ..since she had lost true happiness... Whether or not the day when she will smile once again form the heart... Wether or not she will once again feel gladness from the bottom of her heart...
~~~Zettai happi ni naru kara ne!~~~
